Take Good Care of Yourself: Lessons from "Your Turn: How to Be an Adult" by Julie Lythcott-Haims
Writing any self-help book is an ambitious feat, but what Julie Lythcott-Haims has delivered in “Your Turn: How to Be an Adult” takes a huge bite out of a broad and existential topic, “what does it mean to be an adult?” I’m 29 and every day, I observe my friends who are all around the same age, wrestle with the tough breaks of adulthood or enjoy its glorious moments, whether it’s getting married and having a baby or buying your first home. Then there are the sucky parts of being an adult like the many many bills to pay, the cooking, the cleaning, the sense of responsibility that is alternately empowering or soul-crushing, the fact that your body is aging and you’re not as agile as you used to be. You start to realize that your knees are not invincible. You realize that mental health is a real thing and that it’s important to take care of yourself now if you want your future plans to flourish.
I’m proud to partner with Julie Lythcott-Haims on the launch of Your Turn: How to Be an Adult.
But then there’s the agency of being able to create and live your own life, travel if you want, or move to a new city. Yeah, adulthood has its perks, but what it means to be a fully realized adult will look different to every single person, and that’s what I love the most about the writing of Julie Lythcott-Haims, she writes, not only the story of her own life but the stories of so many other from a myriad of backgrounds. In fact, what jumped out at me the most about my reading experience was her intentionality when it comes to inclusivity and diversity. Not many books come with a diversity statement, but “Your Turn to be an Adult” did. That drives home the point that adulting is not a monolithic experience. It will vary based on your race, gender, cultural background, sexual orientation, and the individual challenges you face, or as Julie calls it, your “situation”, including mental health.
As an advocate, of course, the mental health chapter was the most impactful to me. Julie’s background as the former Dean of Stanford University gives her a unique perspective on young adults who are finding their footing. In the chapter “Take Good Care of Yourself”, she points out the growing epidemic of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and suicidal ideation experienced by young adults today, observing how flooded the counseling center was with students during her time at Stanford. She bridges the gap in generational understanding when it comes to mental health and learning disabilities.
“Things are not as they used to be. I’m deliberately saying this out loud because too many people my age and older think What is it with these kids? Instead of Wow, things have really changed. I know things have changed. The jury is still out on “why” but prevailing theories include: 1) more kids are likely to be diagnosed for things that went ignored or untreated in prior generations due to a reduction in stigma; 2) environmental factors may contribute to the increase; for example, highly protective parental behavior is correlated with increased anxiety in children.”
I had a similar experience at my alma mater, and to this day, I believe most college campuses struggle to keep up with the high demand for more (and more diverse) mental health professionals on campus.
So what’s the solution? “Your Turn: How to be an Adult” was just as much about parenting as it is about becoming an adult. Lythcott-Haims writes about her own story of parenting her son who has learning differences and how her attempts at protecting him from the world may have been holding back the development of resilience. Neurodivergence is being discussed more and more in the mental health space. It’s not just about learning differences or mental health challenges, it’s the fact that we’re all wired differently, and that’s okay! It doesn’t make you weaker or less able to “adult” it’s about owning your situation and developing that ever-elusive “self-love” so you understand that different doesn’t mean broken.
“It’s a lifelong process to build an honest and loving relationship with yourself: honoring your changing needs, desires, and struggles with as much patience and compassion as possible.” - Julie Lythcott Haims, “Your Turn to Be an Adult”
The chapter is rounded off by presenting the stories of three individuals with different mental health challenges, from depression and anxiety to bipolar disorder and OCD. I won’t share too much in case you decide to read the book, but the overall message is clear. We must all learn ourselves, what makes us tick, what brings us joy, what triggers our traumas, and throw out the traditional definitions of “normal”. We all have to find our own version of homeostasis and take care the best we can day by day. Adulting seems intimidating when you think about the big picture, but if you take it bite by bite, it’s totally doable. Especially when you have an awesome guide like Julie Lythcott-Haims to refer to.
You can pick up your copy of “Your Turn: How to Be an Adult” here.
More about Julie:
Julie Lythcott-Haims believes in humans and is deeply interested in what gets in our way. She is the New York Times bestselling author of the anti-helicopter parenting manifesto How to Raise an Adult. Her TED Talk on the subject has more than 5 million views, and in 2020 she became a regular contributor with CBS This Morning on parenting. Her second book is the critically-acclaimed and award-winning prose poetry memoir Real American, which illustrates her experience as a Black and biracial person in white spaces. A third book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult, will be out in April 2021. Julie is a former corporate lawyer and Stanford dean, and she holds a BA from Stanford, a JD from Harvard, and an MFA in Writing from California College of the Arts. She serves on the board of Common Sense Media, and on the advisory board of LeanIn.Org, and she is a former board member at Foundation for a College Education, Global Citizen Year, The Writers Grotto, and Challenge Success. She volunteers with the hospital program No One Dies Alone. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her partner of over thirty years, their young adults, and her mother.