Reconnecting with Yourself in Motherhood
Hey Mama,
Have you ever felt disconnected from yourself in motherhood? So many of us have found ourselves in a situation where we’ve felt lost or disconnected from ourselves in the process of becoming a mother. I believe that motherhood is the biggest transformation that you will ever experience as a woman and it makes sense why we would lose parts of ourselves in the process.
When becoming a mother, you have to essentially transform, evolve, and become a different person. That's not to say that who you are completely goes away, but evolution and transformation has to happen in some ways.
In my work through Balanced Working Mama, I’ve noticed that there are many mothers who realize that they have lost parts of themselves that they once enjoyed, cared about, or valued. I want to give you some tips about how to know if you’ve lost those parts of yourself, and how to start getting them back.
Outside of motherhood, who are you?
This question comes up a lot and I think as mothers, our default answer most times may be- “I'm a mother.” And yes, we are mothers and we're amazing mothers! However, I want to know who you are outside of motherhood, who you are outside of raising and growing a human. You are a mother and what else?
What are the things that really light you up? What things make you come alive? What things are you very passionate about?
This is important because it's good for us to know the things that bring us joy, the things that bring us alive, and that makes us feel good. Sometimes in the process of becoming a mother, we lose track of that because we are so focused on the things that are good for our little ones or the other people in our homes.
Let’s do a quick exercise. Pull out some paper and a pen. Or, if you want, you can just think about the answers to these questions:
What is something that you could do for hours, non-stop?
I'm not saying that you should – because you know, we have a life, we have things to take care of, and people to care. With that, what are a few things that you could do non-stop, without interruption if you had the chance? It's important to know that.
What are three personal or professional goals that you have for yourself?
List three personal or professional goals. I'm going to give you a minute to let that sink in.
I want to ask you another question: How was it for you to answer those questions? As a clinician, I'm always curious about, “How was that for you?”
If you're like me and a lot of other mothers, you might notice that it was hard to answer some of those. Maybe they're questions you haven't thought about in a long time or considered since you became a mom. You may have also noticed that a lot of your answers connected back to yourself as a mother.
In the things that you answered and the responses that you gave, how much time are you devoting to those things? The things that light you up and bring you joy, the things that you could do for hours non-stop, and your personal and professional goals, how much time are you dedicating to the things that you say are important to you?
If you realized that:
...it was hard for you to come up with answers
...a lot of your answers connected yourself back to motherhood
...you’re not spending any time devoted to, working on, or engaging in the things that you care about
...then there's something that we need to do so we can get you connected back to yourself.
Motherhood is so encompassing. It's one of the biggest life transformations you'll ever have. But that's not an excuse for you to not stay connected with yourself as a person, as a woman, and as a human. It's important for you to stay connected to who you were before you became a mom, the person you are today as a mom, and who else you are outside of that. It's so important for us to connect to that.
Society and older traditions have taught us that we have to completely let go of ourselves to be mothers to our children, but let’s rethink that. We can flex on that a little bit. It doesn't have to be so black and white, and so all or nothing. Yes, you have to evolve and transform, but that includes keeping parts of yourself for you.
So spend some time with you. Connect with you. You know all the things you said that bring you joy, the things that light you up, the things that you could do non-stop, your personal and professional goals? Do those things. That is what's going to make you a whole human being, a healthy human being, a well person, but also an even better mother. We need to be whole first before we can be mothers to other people.
So if you’ve noticed that you've lost track of that, it’s not too late to get reconnected. This is the start – right here, right now, today.
I hope this encourages you to spend some time with yourself – connecting with yourself. Even if it's just five minutes a day, that’s a really great start because it's different than what you were doing before.
So spend some time connecting with yourself.
You deserve it.
You don't have to do anything for it.
It's needed.
It's part of your wellness.
If you need more help with this, considering attending the Balanced Working Mama Wellness 101 Virtual Workshop. This event will take place on Saturday, August 29, 2020 and will teach you everything you need to know about wellness for working mothers!
I hope you will join me and several other mamas for this amazing event! Want more information? Email me at bwm@dramberthornton.com or visit www.balancedworkingmama.com.
I want all of you to be well and to be healthy
