How to Maintain Your Mental Health During Times of Crisis and Trauma

Welcome Dr. Amber Thornton, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and founder of Balanced Working Mama to the Spoken Black Girl Community. This summer we will be exploring mental health through the lens of motherhood with a monthly series centering self-care for moms.

Photo credit: @Eyeforebony

Hey Mamas,

Like you, the last four months of my life have been completely turned upside down.  I was used to waking up in the morning, my husband and I getting our infant ready for daycare, and then all of us quickly leaving the house.  After a long day, we would return home, perform our evening routines and then spend some time together before we do it all over again the next day.  Those days were long but it was our routine and I was used to the rapid pace of our life.

March was when everything started to look different.  My husband and I both were instructed to work from home because of the impending COVID-19 pandemic.  I didn’t like the idea of working from home but I adjusted quickly.  However, once daycare closed, I knew that we were in for a complete makeover of our family routines and I was not ready for the quick change.

Needless to say, March was a difficult month.  I wasn’t okay and neither was my family, but...we made it through.  Right as we began to find our rhythm, a different crisis surfaced.  This crisis was racism, something we were all too familiar with and know all too well.  The protests and uprising about the deaths of Black people by law enforcement triggered feelings of rage, sadness, anger, and guilt within us.  It shook us to our core and we are still trying our best to be okay.

I’ve learned so much about myself and my family in the last four months.  Maintaining our mental health became the priority and because of that, I’d like to share 3 tips for how to maintain the mental health of yourself and your family during moments of crisis and trauma. 

Make room for needed adjustments

Once I realized how drastically our lives would change as we transitioned to working from home and caring for our son 24/7 without the help of daycare or family members, I knew that our routines needed a major change.  Oftentimes when crisis or trauma surfaces, we believe the best thing to do is to “keep moving forward” or “keep pressing on.”  However, the best thing to do is to pause and take inventory of what needs to change in order for you to be well.  This might look like slowing down, or taking a break.  It might even look like shifting roles and responsibilities.  Whatever the case may be, changes and adjustments are usually necessary in the face of crisis and trauma.  These changes lead to stabilization and can promote healing for you and your family. 

Ask for help

When life feels upside down, it's common to need a little extra help.  It's even possible that you’ll require more help than you have needed in the past.  Or you may be seeking a different type of help that you’ve never needed before.  During moments of crisis and trauma, it's impossible to move forward in a healthy manner without help from others.  Help does not mean that you have not tried your best.  You don’t have to prove your worth before you ask for help.  Help is essential in making sure that you and your family are well.  For me, help came in the form of me reaching out to a colleague who then strongly encouraged that I take a week off from work.  I was hesitant to take the week off but I noticed that during and after that week, I was able to show up stronger for myself, my family, and the work that I love. 

Make time for better quality time

The biggest thing that has contributed to my family’s mental health and wellness during the last four months has been better quality time with one another.  It has been very easy to identify all that went wrong in 2020, how the changes of plans were disruptive, or how tiring the days have been.  However, being able to spend quality time with my husband and son has really changed our relationship with each other and the values we hold to be dear.  Quality time doesn’t need to be big, or involve large plans. Simply enjoying time together is enough and is so meaningful for the entire family.  

I hope this was helpful in leading you and your family to better mental health and wellness during times of crisis and trauma.  Before I go, I have one more thing to say about being present.

As women and caretakers, it is hard to be present. It's especially hard to be present when we are not doing well.  The question I receive most often is how can I be fully present during this time with my family? 

The honest answer- you can’t.

It's unreasonable for us to expect that we will be fully present 100% of the time during moments like this.  Instead, give yourself some grace. Acknowledge that this is an unusual time and that you also need a break, rest, and more compassion.  Free yourself of the burdensome expectation that you can and will be present 100% of the time.  Instead, take steps toward wellness.  Take good care of yourself.  Allow your children, partner, family, and friends to see you making strides toward wellness so that they will become inspired by your efforts and do the same.  Teach your children that we are human and all have bad days.  They will learn from you that it's okay to not be okay, and how to take care of yourself in the process.  

Take care, mama!

Dr. Amber Thornton

Dr. Amber Thornton is a licensed psychologist, wellness consultant, and coach. She is the owner of Dr. Amber Thornton Consulting, LLC, and offers unique consultative services for working mothers and those interested in becoming psychologists. Dr. Thornton resides in the DC area with her husband and 1yr old son. She is deeply passionate about helping women of color to fulfill their goals and passions.